grandparents , save families.

grandparents step up, save families

July 25, 2013 — Updated 2029 GMT (0429 HKT)

CNN Hero: Sylvie de Toledo

• Sylvie de Toledo’s group helps grandparents who are raising their grandchildren
• In 2011, there were at least 2.7 million of those grandparents in the United States
• The added responsibility often comes with financial, emotional challenges
• After years of struggling with depression, Nikki de Toledo killed herself with a prescription drug overdose when she was 27.

She didn’t leave a suicide note, but she did leave her 8-year-old son, Kevin.

Kevin’s grandparents, Ginette and André de Toledo, immediately took over custody, because Kevin’s father lived abroad and had never been a part of his life.

It wasn’t an easy transition, though.

“It was a very difficult time for my parents because they weren’t able to grieve,” said Nikki’s sister, Sylvie. “They were immediately responsible for raising an 8-year-old who also was grieving in his own way. And it was different than the way my parents were grieving. It was a pretty tough time for our family.”

It’s often the grandparents who step up when a parent dies or is unable to take care of a child for other reasons, such as incarceration, abuse or mental illness. In 2011, there were at least 2.7 million grandparents raising a grandchild in the United States, according to the U.S. Census Bureau‘s American Community Survey.

But the sudden shift in responsibility can be incredibly stressful.

Grandparents may be living on fixed incomes, and the additional dependents can cause costs to soar. There’s also an emotional adjustment when an empty nest is no longer empty.

Nikki de Toledo left behind her young son, Kevin, after she died from a drug overdose.

Kevin was raised by his grandparents and is seen here today with his aunt, Sylvie de Toledo.

“When that call comes … your whole life changes,” Sylvie de Toledo said. “It’s turned inside out and upside down.”

De Toledo said she watched her parents, then in their mid-50s, struggle with their new responsibilities. It affected their marriage and their health.

Also, like many children who lose a parent, Kevin had emotional issues that followed him into his teenage years.

“Kevin was a difficult teenager,” said de Toledo, a 58-year-old social worker. “The trauma and grief and loss of a parent abandoning you, so to speak … it’s a huge, huge loss.”

Around the same time, de Toledo started noticing more of her work clients — children and grandparents — dealing with similar challenges.

“The most common thread was that they all felt alone and isolated,” she said. “They didn’t know anyone in the same situation that they were in.”

Determined to bring some of these families together, de Toledo began holding a support group for about 10 of them. When attendance began to skyrocket, she started her own nonprofit, Grandparents as Parents, to help more people cope with the process.

Today, more than a quarter-century later, there are 20 support groups across Los Angeles, and the nonprofit works with more than 3,000 families a year, providing them with financial assistance, legal advice and emotional support.

More than 90% of the caregivers are grandparents, but the nonprofit also assists aunts, uncles, siblings and close friends who have stepped up to care for children when their biological parents can’t.

When that call comes … your whole life changes. It’s turned inside out and upside down. CNN Hero Sylvie de Toledo

“We are a one-stop shop for relative caregivers,” de Toledo said. “So many times, the families are completely overwhelmed. The kids come to them with a dirty diaper and a T-shirt that’s way too big for them.”

When someone calls for help, de Toledo is usually the first person they talk to. She listens to their story and then helps them prioritize their needs so the situation isn’t so overwhelming.

“It’s sort of like a jigsaw puzzle,” she said. “You have to figure out how to put the pieces back together to build a whole, happy, healthy individual child.”

Lourdes Aguylar called seven years ago when her daughter dropped off three children ages 3, 9, and 10 months. Aguylar received immediate assistance — food, toys and clothes — and with the group’s help she later became legal guardian of the children.

Over the years, the group has also helped provide the children with psychological, educational and medical support. But perhaps most importantly, Aguylar said, they have become part of a larger family — a group of caregivers and children who back each other.

“You know you’re not the only one,” she said.

In addition to weekly support groups, there are monthly picnics for families and friends as well as opportunities for the families to attend events together, such as the theater, amusement parks and sporting events.

Sylvie de Toledo also assists aunts, uncles, siblings and close friends who are raising other people’s children.

The nonprofit gets its money through grants, private donations and corporate sponsors, but it also helps grandparents apply for government assistance. de Toledo said many grandparents don’t realize there are special programs that may be available to them.

“We have seen countless families who have maxed out credit cards and used all of their savings before they even ask for help,” she said.

Even if they do know there is help out there, many don’t know how to navigate the system and may need help using online systems or filling out paperwork. So de Toledo and her staff or volunteers will walk them through the process.

Louise Reaves, 60, got in touch with de Toledo to help her navigate the court system and get custody and benefits for her young granddaughter. Six years ago, Reaves’ daughter dropped the baby off at her house, promising to return when she got back on her feet; she hasn’t come back.

“Sylvie was able to walk me through everything that I needed,” Reaves said. “I was able to get medical assistance for (my granddaughter). I was able to get clothing for her … rent. They helped me get on my feet where I could help myself.”

She credits the group with keeping her family together.

“Without me joining (the group), I don’t know where we would be,” she said. “I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t know if (my granddaughter) would be in a group home or a foster home or what. It was rough.”

De Toledo said her group has kept thousands of children from entering the foster care system, and they’ve also kept siblings from being separated.

“We’ve literally saved families,” she said.

But the true heroes, she said, are the caregivers.

“It’s really the grandparents and the relatives who are doing this that deserve the recognition for putting their own lives on hold,” she said. “I just was able to plant a seed with something that happened in my own family. …

“From a family tragedy, something wonderful has happened.”

Want to get involved? Check out the Grandparents as Parents website at www.grandparentsasparents.org and see how to help.

More on CNN: Caregiver lives rerouted, enriched by aging parents

More on CNN: Grandparents get tech-savvy to keep in touch

Do you know a hero? Nominations are open for 2013 CNN Heroes

Tribal elder modernizing the Maasai to avoid extinction

updated 7:08 AM EDT, Fri July 26, 2013

Martin Saning’o Kariongi (right), a respected Maasai elder in northern Tanzania, has made it his life’s mission to save his people’s way of life whilst helping them adapt to a changing world.

Whether it’s promoting education, encouraging gender education or setting up profitable businesses, Kariongi is determined to promote self-sustainability within the Maasai of northern Tanzania.

Kariongi has started IOPA, a community-based venture company to help improve the economic conditions of his people.

The group has established a women-run milk processing company that’s producing dairy products, such as cheese, yoghurt, butter and ghee. “It has been going on now for the last five years and the life of the people, the life of the families, have changed dramatically and women are making so much money,” says Kariongi.

It’s also established several other companies, including a media house that is producing radio programs specifically catering to Maasai listeners.

“We have created facilities here — the radio station, the milk processing plant, the energy and water company, the internet, the library — all these facilities to bring modern life to people, so they don’t have to rush to towns,” says Kariongi.

One of the most culturally distinct tribes of Africa, the Maasai move around in bands, grazing their cattle in the rich grassland plains of East Africa they’ve been calling home for centuries.

For centuries, the lush national parks of southern Kenya and northern Tanzania have been called home by the Maasai, one of Africa’s most culturally district tribes.

Being traditional pastoralists with a nomadic bent, the Maasai have used the sprawling grasslands and forested slopes of the Serengeti National Park, Tsavo National Park and Mkomazi Game Reserve as a grazing ground for their cattle, which provide them with the milk, meat and blood they need to survive.

But lately, these rich lands have also lured many outsiders, including large-scale hunting companies, threatening the traditional Maasai way of living

Ancient Maasai culture in the modern world

Saving the Maasai lands

 

Empowering Maasai’s women

“The riches and the wealth that come out of it is actually flying away from Maasai land by the rich and powerful people,” says Martin Saning’o Kariongi, with a wry smile. “Maasai land is a very rich country, or rich region, but the owners, the inhabitants, are amongst the poorest in the world. It’s very sad but that’s the reality.”

Aware of the precarious position his tribe finds itself in, Kariongi, a well-respected Maasai community leader, has made it his life’s work to save his people and their way of life, whilst helping them adapt to a changing world.

As one of the few of his generation to make it through high school and further education, Kariongi started his work as a social development activist in the early 1990s, after spending time studying in Europe. Upon his return to Tanzania, he organized a legal campaign opposing a government-forced eviction of Maasai people from the country’s Simanjiro plains.

The High Court of Tanzania ruled in favor of the Maasai and soon Kariongi was working to improve the economic conditions of his people too.

“Around 2000 we started to think that despite the whole struggle for land rights and human rights of the Maasai people, poverty is growing and so many of our young people are rushing into cities,” recalls Kariongi. “That’s when we actually said we have to find a way to create opportunities for community economic empowerment.”

Generations come and go, and each generation puts its own firewood on the fire and the fire is the culture. Martin Saning’o Kariongi, Maasai leader

Kariongi’s first idea for self-sustainability was to turn the resources available to the Maasai — their animals and abundant milk — into an opportunity to create wealth for his people.

Working together with a SHGW, a Dutch NGO dedicated to promoting sustainable development in rural regions of the developing world, they launched a company and established five small milk processing units in five locations around the Maasai plains.

From milking the herds to processing the milk and producing the dairy products, the business is run entirely by women. The units can process up to 2,000 liters a day, making cheese, yoghurt, butter and ghee.

“We started the milk processing plant as one way of finding a ready market for the women,” says Kariongi, who’s based his social development plan on gender equality. “As an economic project that will create a market where women can sell milk and engage in a cash economy,” he adds.

“It has been going on now for the last five years and the life of the people, the life of the families have changed dramatically and women are making so much money.”

Today, the company has grown to include many arms, from an energy and water firm, to a media house producing broadcasts tailored for the Maasai, to a community ranch that helps improve access to quality breeds.

They are all growing organically, based on a strict business model.

“The social investor who is investing in us is investing as an investor, not as a donor,” explains Kariongi, who is a strong opponent of handouts. “This social business mentality is actually creating opportunities to awaken our entrepreneurial nature; that we use our own locally available resources to create wealth and to create sustainability within ourselves to come out of poverty, rather than depending on aid,” he says.

It’s all part of Kariongi’s determination to help his people adapt, intact, to the 21st century and avoid extinction.

“We have created facilities here — the radio station, the milk processing plant, the energy and water company, the internet, the library — all these facilities to bring modern life to people, so they don’t have to rush to towns,” says Kariongi. “When we lost our sons and daughters, rushed into towns, our women going to towns, then our lands will become empty and we might end up in an extinction.”

He adds: “Culture is not static; culture is dynamic, it grows; it’s like a fire — In order for the fire to keep on burning and giving light and heat, somebody has to be putting new fire wood. And the culture is like that — so generations come and go, and each generation puts its own firewood on the fire and the fire is the culture.”

Read this: Maasai tribe’s ‘last stand’

Read this: ‘Education is the road out of poverty’

Read this: Good African Coffee wants trade, not aid

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

• Maasai activist helping his people adapt to the 21st century
• Martin Saning’o Kariongi is working to protect his people’s land rights in northern Tanzania
• He is encouraging gender equality within his tribe